Iythaar meaning selflessness or altruism is often considered as one of the keys to happiness. The practice has been praised by the Ahlul Bayt (as) as one of the highest of virtues and the best forms of worship. Following on from the theme of Self-Love in Islam, in this post we will look at 3 ways to practice Selflessness. We will observe how the daughter of the Prophet, Lady Fatima az-Zahra (as) lived her life in this way and how we can draw numerous lessons from her to implement in our own lives (iA).
Definition of Selflessness
According to Google, the definition of Selflessness is: ‘It is the opposite of selfish. If you’re selfless, you think less about your self, and more about others — you’re generous and kind. Being selfless is like being altruistic — another word for giving to others without looking for personal gain.’
An Individualistic Society
We are so busy in our daily routines that to even think of dedicating some time to someone outside of our own households, almost sounds impossible. We may believe ourselves to already be selfless as we care for others, take time to listen and help others but are we really doing so selflessly or do we easily fall into selfish tendencies.
A way to monitor this is, when you are having a conversation with someone, does it seem to shift more towards your own goals, purposes, materialistic wants and needs rather than towards the wellbeing of others or the person you are speaking to. Being selfish can bring us temporary happiness and contentment but it doesn’t last.
From selfies to stories, everything revolves around the ‘self’
In this individualistic society that we are currently living in, it has glorified the ‘self’ and obsesses on perfecting the external appearance which in turn, is harming us inwardly. From selfies to stories, everything revolves around the ‘self’. We are bombarded with flawless selfies, which in turn has created insecurities in the younger generation. And if anyone dares to comment on the effect it is having, they are told to keep their opinions to themselves – the whole ‘mind your own business’ culture.
Because of this ‘mind your own business’ trend, we are slowly refraining from speaking out or checking in on people. Our nafs (soul) may echo inside us to check in on someone that we know may not be doing too well however, our minds tell us to ignore that voice in the fear of ‘interfering’ or invading their ‘personal space.’
We can be the light for someone who may be suffering
Today, more than ever, we need to be reaching out and practice selflessness. Many are suffering in silence during these lonely days of isolation. Cases of depression and anxiety have worsened, and this may have been able to be managed, simply by lending an ear to someone.
Perhaps we have tried to reach out to others in the past and haven’t received a welcome response. Perhaps we were told to ‘mind your own business.’ However, that does not mean to stop entirely. Just because of one or two negative experiences, we should not stop being a decent human being. We can be the light for someone who may be suffering. Even a simple message of hello or an emoji, just to remind them that we are there and thinking of them.
Fatima bint Muhammad – Mother of her Father
Lady Fatima (as) was given the title of ‘Umm Abihaa’1 – ‘Mother of her Father.’ This title alone tells us so much about the personality and character of this remarkable woman. Just as a mother puts the needs of her children before hers, Sayyida Fatima (as) would do the same for her father. Losing her mother at a tender age, she would take care of her father, looking after his needs and attending to his wounds when he was attacked. This is why she is the epitome of a ‘selfless’ soul and the perfect role-model for us to learn ways to practice selflessness from.
3 ways to practice selflessness – inspired by Lady Fatima (as)
1. Praying for others
It is narrated from Hassan ibn Ali (as), son of Lady Fatima (as), that he would witness his mother praying the entire night. He would hear her pray for the neighbours, friends and relatives but never would she mention herself. One day he questioned her about this, and she responded by saying:
First your Neighbours, and then your Household
Bihar al-Anwar – v.43, p.81
This selfless act from Lady Fatima (as) teaches us to remove differences and negativity. When we pray for others, it softens our hearts against those who we may be envious of, as we are asking God to increase His blessings on them.
One of the BEST ways to practice selflessness is praying for other people. A practice that brings about much good for both the supplicant as well as the one prayed for. When we do so for others, it shapes our heart into becoming sincere and altruistic. It sends out vibes of positivity and these invisible forces tightens the bonds between people.
Say a Silent Prayer
This should be instilled within our daily routines and does not need to be time-consuming. It can occur whenever we think of anyone – whether living or those who have left this Earth, they all need our prayers. Whether it is someone we came across online or someone we see suffering on the news, say a silent prayer for them. Pray for the neighbours, members of the community, the sick, the poor and all those oppressed around the world.
These prayers will reverberate in the universe, spreading to others and coming back to you.
2. Helping and Supporting others
Allah asks you to serve others to prevent you from being selfish.
SAyyida fatima (as) – khutba fadakiyya
The Almighty loves when we work as a community, as a ‘jama’ah’ in being there for each other and cooperating with others for the betterment of the society. The reason we have prayers in congregation and the Friday Jumu’ah prayer, shows us the importance of knowing our community members, recognizing their problems and being there during their times of need.
During this present pandemic, there are so many challenges that people are dealing with. From those who have been stricken with the disease to those who are in isolation trying to avoid it. There is the economic challenge of people losing their jobs and small businesses struggling. There is the mental and emotional challenge due to there being a lack of socializing.
We all can be doing our part in different ways to overcome each of these challenges that others may be undergoing. For example, supporting the families of those who are sick by doing their grocery or asking if they need anything. We can help local businesses by supporting them and avoiding shopping at big market retailers for a while, as they have barely been affected by the pandemic. This is the time to buy from those home businesses, to spread the word on social media and leave a positive feedback for them.
Help one another in acts of piety and righteousness
QURAN – 5:2
We can check in on the elderly; those friendly faces we were used to seeing at the local mosque or people who live alone. See that person as a human being with feelings, worries and fears just like you. Connect with them because that’s what they need.
Just by sending a message warms the heart and reminds them of their community. Giving them your upmost attention through a phone call. Just to say a few words of hope brings encouragement and may help in ways greater than we think.
3. Charity
We can see the Selflessness of Lady Fatima (as) through the verses revealed in the Quran within Surat al-Insaan.
According to Quranic commentary, there was a time when her sons Imam Hassan (as) and Imam Husayn (as) had become very sick. Imam Ali (as) and Fatima (as) decided to make an oath to Allah that if they were healed, they would fast for three days.
After a few days, they were healed, and the family began their three days of fasting. However, every time that it came to breaking their fast, they had someone turn up at their door, who was more in need of the food. The first day it was a poor man, the second day an orphan and the third day a prisoner. Sayyida Fatima (as) and Imam Ali (as) gave away their food each time, sacrificing their own well-being for another. They remained firm in their practice of selflessness by giving up what was dear to them to those in need.
And they give food out of love for Him to the poor and the orphan and the captive. (Saying) “We only feed you for Allah’s sake; we desire from you neither reward nor thanks…
QURAN – 76:7-11
Giving away her wedding dress
Another beautiful example of the generosity and selflessness of Lady Fatima is mentioned by Al-Asfouri in his book Nuzhat al-Majalis v.2, p.2262:
“The Prophet had a new dress made for Fatima (as a gift) for her wedding; she had just one old, patched dress. On her wedding night, someone knocked on the door and said:
“I ask the household of Prophethood to give me an old dress.” At first, Fatima was going to give him her old dress, but then remembered the Quranic verse:
You will never attain righteousness unless you spend out of what you love; and whatever thing you spend, surely Allah is well aware of it
QURAN – 3:92
She then gave the poor man her new dress. Consequently, Gabriel descended, and said:
“O Muhammad! Allah sends Him peace upon you; He commanded me to greet Fatima and (give her the gift He sent her) which is a dress from Paradise, made of silk brocade etc.”
We all know how much a beautiful new wedding dress means to every girl on her special day. Lady Fatima’s (as) heart was so gracious and compassionate that even on a day that is supposed to be about her, her wedding day, she gave away her brand-new wedding dress. Therefore, she excelled in giving in the path of Allah and possessed generosity that we cannot even comprehend.
Charity is a great way to practice selflessness
We are told to give what we love the most, yet most of the time our charity comprises of our previous hand-me-downs. We are told to feed others what we love ourselves, to give gifts that we too would love to be gifted. Giving charity is a perfect example of an act of selflessness as it is giving without expecting anything in return. So, practice charity, be it through wealth, through items, through your time such as volunteering. You will notice that every time you give, you feel this burst of happiness and contentment inside. That is exactly why selflessness is one of the keys to happiness.
I hope this post inspired you to contemplate on your actions through ways to practice selflessness. Rather than holding expectations of others or expecting something in return, shift that attention and purpose back to the person. Change the dialogue so that it is more on how you can help them just to be happy and see others happy. That way, you are less likely to be disappointed and forever will remain content.
We are so blessed to have Lady Fatima (as) as our Spiritual Mother. May we continue to learn from her, have a deeper connection with others and be guided into becoming a selfless, content and purer soul, inshaAllah.
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