Self-Love in Islam is different to mainstream media’s definition of Self-Love. Everywhere around us, we see ideas promoted as ‘self-love.’ Is it really just bubble baths, manicures, massages or an indulgent take away? Or is it something deeper, something that not only benefits the exterior self, but also the nafs (soul).
Keep reading to find out how Self-Love in Islam can actually help bring us closer to God. I have also included 5 steps we can take towards loving ourselves the Islamic way.
The reason we do what we like and make decisions every day, is because it is our innate nature to self-love. Our self-love instinct has no bounds and as humans we have a deep desire to always give ourselves the best: for our bodies, brain and soul.
By disregarding ourselves and hating our weaknesses, causes our growth to stunt and malnourishes our soul.
Successful indeed is the one who purifies their soul, and doomed is the one who corrupts it!
– QURAN (91:9-10)
‘if you love all the qualities and aspects about yourself, then why would you improve?…’
Self-Love in Islam does not mean to love yourself unconditionally as a whole. If you love all the qualities and aspects about yourself, then why would you improve? This is not an Islamic approach. Allah (swt) bestowed His guidance upon us so that we can purify ourselves and overcome the negative traits, that are not in accordance with Islam.
When we look at our worthy attributes (those defined by Sunnah and Islamic teachings) we should be grateful and become humble for having these. When examining our weaknesses, we should also be grateful as we have the opportunity and guidance to work on removing them. Whilst we should take full responsibility for our shortcomings, we need to be careful in not being harsh on ourselves. An analogy that explains this best is that ‘we should treat ourselves like a compassionate doctor treating a patient.’
‘…we should treat ourselves like a compassionate doctor treating a patient.’
Love. It is the reason there is something instead of nothing. It is from the soil of love that all of existence blossoms into being.
– A.HELWA | SECRETS OF DIVINE LOVE
Self-love is looking after yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It is an important duty because life is a responsibility from God. Ultimately, Self-love in Islam is growing in the light of Divine guidance.
When we think of ourselves, the way that we have been created and the wonders within the self, we are led to the amazing Creator – just as the study of nature and cosmology leads us to God. As we dwell on the signs within and try to understand ourselves, it ultimately leads us to God.
‘The more you know yourself, the more the light of God is reflected in you…’
The more you know yourself, try to purify yourself and grow, the more you reflect the light of God. By knowing your own faults, weaknesses and shortcomings, you hold the medicine to treat yourself. You are your own doctor and the solution is within you. It is only when you take the time to treat yourself to removing these inner impurities that the light of God can shine through you.
Your blessings, your trials and triumphs, your journey of falling and rising, your gifts and talents—they are all connected. Your true calling is held in the arms of your deepest wounds. God only breaks you to remake you, because breakdowns come before breakthroughs. Everything that God has written into your path was meant to prepare you for this exact moment. God wants you to come as you are, not as you think you should be.
– A.Helwa | Secrets of divine love
‘Self-Love in Islam is Selfless…’
Self-Love in Islam is selfless. You also cannot love yourself and always put yourself first. Life is not about putting ourselves and our needs above everyone else. Islam teaches us to be selfless, not selfish. However, that does not mean sacrificing yourself completely and ignoring your needs. It is about knowing your worth as a creation of Allah and not needing validation from the outside. It is about being honest to yourself about your ego, your flaws and being open to improving and growing towards Allah. The center focus has to be God and not the self – but the love of the self because of God, for God.
In Islam, the divine messengers came to teach humans the best way to self-love and build to nourish and perfect the self. This was done by accompanying us as a guide and helping in identifying the positions humans put themselves in when they become neglectful of themselves. They gave teachings on self-care, loving oneself enough so that you have faith in yourself and that you are able to take account of your weaknesses and improve on them.
Here are 5 steps we can take towards Self-Love in Islam:
1. Be Honest
Be honest with yourself and take responsibility for your actions. Try not to delude yourself into thinking about how you really feel. Maybe write a list of the aspects you want to improve on and however long that list is, do not let it bring you down. A way to do this is through Muhasabah (self-accounting) which is explained in this post.
Too often, when we do not take responsibility for our lives, we can feel like the victim and take on a victim mentality. Stop blaming others for your situation, instead, be grateful that He has allowed you to identify the weaknesses and the opportunity that you have to improve on them.
“Surely Allah does not change the conditions in which a people are in, until they change that which is in themselves”
– QURAN (13:11)
2. Connect with Yourself
Take some time out to connect with yourself, with your heart rather than with social media and evaluate your life. What do you love about yourself? What are your strengths and achievements?
Sometimes we are too modest to say these out loud. A good exercise to do is asking a close friend or loved one what attributes they admire most about you. Write this down and read the list every day. Knowing what outsiders think of you can help you to see those qualities within yourself.
3. Self-Confidence
In a culture which is filled with how many likes we have, it can sometimes be difficult to know our own worth. Realize that having a healthy self-esteem will stop you being dependent on other creatures of God. It can give us determination and reinforced capability.
Too often, the value we hold of ourselves depends on the acceptance or opinion of others. If we are content and pleased from within, we will not be defined by the opinion of others. Whenever I am feeling low, I remember the famous saying of Imam Ali (as) that within us, is enfolded the entire Universe.
You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe.
IMAM ALI (AS)
4. Tawakkul
It is important to strive for happiness and find means to overcome troubles in life. But if you have done EVERYTHING you possibly could have, appreciate this as a growth in your endurance and resilience – love yourself for trying everything you possibly could have done. Then leave the rest to God!
5. Affirmations
With time, we can develop deep-rooted beliefs about ourselves and the world that can create negative thoughts in our mind such as ‘I am not worthy to be loved,’ or ‘There is nothing good about me.’
By repeating affirmations, which are basically sayings of positivity and light, we can start to change those beliefs and in effect, it can help us to live a more positive and love-filled life.
Here are some affirmations you can repeat to yourself daily to get you started! Save the picture or add it to your Pinterest board!
Remember this life is given to us by God to serve Him, to live for HIM.
So give your soul some love and ultimately, it will lead us to appreciating, knowing and loving our Rabb even more (inshaAllah).
